Back at it again! Hasn't been that long? Back by popular demand!
I am not sure. My sister asked me about my blog yesterday and I didn't have a clear answer as to why I have not been writing. So here I am today!
So much to tell...So many feeling to share...
I am so happy to be alive.
Have you ever made a promise to a family member, a friend, your husband, your own child or even to yourself and did not keep it. I have, plenty of times...
There is always a good reason why I didn't call, did not attend an event or couldn't take Angelo to the the Mall of America.
The biggest one of all is the one that I have made to Jim, Angelina and Danny almost every day for the last 8 years and it goes like this: "THIS IS IT! Today is the day. No more junk food. No more MacDonalds. This is my plan and I am sticking to it no matter what."
It's a shame when you child discovers a discarded cheeseburger wrap in the car and questions you about it without saying a word. What kind of message am I sending? Promises are just words. No action needed?
Suddenly you come to a point where you can't stand it anymore. You are disgusted with yourself. You are desperate and frustrated... Who would you turn to at the end?
I found the answer.
I woke up early in the morning on July 30th. I went to church. No one was there. It was so quiet and peaceful. I sat on the bench and cried like a little baby. I didn't care if anybody heard me. I talked to God, cried to Jesus, to the Virgin Mary and any Saint that was there to listen. I made a deal, a big one. I asked for help and forgiveness. Without going into details, I decided to stop eating meat (only fish), dairy products, sweets of any kind and drinking alcohol from that moment until I reached my original weight of 120. Ok skeptics, I don't care what you say. I can hear you loud and clear: " Remember now, you are not young anymore, your body changes, blablablabla". It can be done and I will prove it even if it's going to take me years to reach it.
How do I feel today, 2 weeks later...
I feel amazing. I have so much energy. Food is no longer the center of my world. My cravings have stopped. People have already noticed few changes in me, mainly my face. I look healthier and rested. I stopped my happy pills because I don't need them anymore. Between working out and healthy eating, I no longer have mood swings. I am in control...
What keeps me going is my promise to God. I can't disappoint him. But let me also be truthful and reveal few more things that motivate me. I have a small chalkboard in my bathroom. I have written the names of 4 people in Arabic (for obvious reasons) that I would like to stick it to the day I reach my ultimate goal. I also have pictures of cool outfits that I am going to wear and have jotted down the dollar amount that I will be submitting to my husband the day I am going on a shopping spree.
It's amazing what your body can do when you feed it well. Imagine what your brain can do if you do the same thing...
Those past 2 weeks have been amazing. I feel that I can do anything. I hope that this will inspire you to tackle something you have been afraid to face or deal with.
I am excited and I can't wait to continue this journey of living simply and getting rid of everything that is toxic and negative in my life.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Your husband comes first!
Don't raise your eyebrows yet! Let me explain...
Few of my friends are going through a hard time. They are both married and are having difficulties in their marriage. My heart goes out to them. I have been married for 18 years and I can assure you that my husband and I had our share of struggles and disagreements. Have I thought about the D word, have I dreamed about a secret destination where I can start my life over, Nova Scotia to be precise? Absolutely!
But I am still here and I am so glad!
Here is the thing. I would leave my husband if he was abusive, if he was unfaithful, if he stopped loving me, if he was a bad father and role model to my children, if he stopped believing in God and maybe if he was not kind to his mother.
When I first met Jim's mom and dad, I couldn't help but notice the amazing relationship that tied them together and the laughter in that household. My father in law was a wonderful man. I miss him every day...
I remember saying to myself that I am dating a good man. You can tell a lot about a guy by watching his family interact between each other and how he acts around kids. I remember Jim talking so proudly of his nephews and that was such an attractive quality.
I asked my mother in law for her secret and she said: " You husband comes first ". I was shocked, what did she mean by that exactly? She explained it perfectly: " You raise your kids and they are gone, building their own lives and families but who is here to stay after they are gone, your husband ".
Stay with me for a moment... Think about it.
Often times we give all our energy, love and attention to the kids that we are raising and we forget about the man that we married. Our time is so spent on the kids that we have no more energy left for the husband.
Here is my motto again: MODERATION. You need to love and nurture your relationship with your significant other every single day. The kids are ok and they will thank you for it some day. I always say that the best gift a mother can give her child is to love his father and vice-versa.
Another advice was given to me, never say no... You know what I am talking about. Yes, sometimes we don't feel like it or we are tired. But I noticed that if I relax for a moment and let things go, I forget about the stress of the day and let my self enjoy my time with the man I love.
This conclusion came to me after a lot of hard work. I am taking this journey to be a better wife and mother. I want to lose the weight because I want to feel good about myself and I want to stay beautiful for my husband. I want to be a good looking 46 year old, aging gracefully and attractive. It's great to be beautiful on the inside but I think that I have accomplished that. Call me shallow, I want to be pretty on the outside too! There is nothing wrong with that.
Last thought on the subject: beauty is not defined by the size you are wearing. You can be 200 pounds and feel beautiful. Good for you!!!!! I, just don't want to be 200 pounds period. I just want to wear a pair of jeans and a white tee shirt and look good!
To my friends who are suffering right now, you deserve the best in a relationship. You need to be loved, supported and respected. If you have those 3 main ingredients, you will be fine. With a lot of hard work, you can get back what you have. You just need to want it enough!
Love u all.
Few of my friends are going through a hard time. They are both married and are having difficulties in their marriage. My heart goes out to them. I have been married for 18 years and I can assure you that my husband and I had our share of struggles and disagreements. Have I thought about the D word, have I dreamed about a secret destination where I can start my life over, Nova Scotia to be precise? Absolutely!
But I am still here and I am so glad!
Here is the thing. I would leave my husband if he was abusive, if he was unfaithful, if he stopped loving me, if he was a bad father and role model to my children, if he stopped believing in God and maybe if he was not kind to his mother.
When I first met Jim's mom and dad, I couldn't help but notice the amazing relationship that tied them together and the laughter in that household. My father in law was a wonderful man. I miss him every day...
I remember saying to myself that I am dating a good man. You can tell a lot about a guy by watching his family interact between each other and how he acts around kids. I remember Jim talking so proudly of his nephews and that was such an attractive quality.
I asked my mother in law for her secret and she said: " You husband comes first ". I was shocked, what did she mean by that exactly? She explained it perfectly: " You raise your kids and they are gone, building their own lives and families but who is here to stay after they are gone, your husband ".
Stay with me for a moment... Think about it.
Often times we give all our energy, love and attention to the kids that we are raising and we forget about the man that we married. Our time is so spent on the kids that we have no more energy left for the husband.
Here is my motto again: MODERATION. You need to love and nurture your relationship with your significant other every single day. The kids are ok and they will thank you for it some day. I always say that the best gift a mother can give her child is to love his father and vice-versa.
Another advice was given to me, never say no... You know what I am talking about. Yes, sometimes we don't feel like it or we are tired. But I noticed that if I relax for a moment and let things go, I forget about the stress of the day and let my self enjoy my time with the man I love.
This conclusion came to me after a lot of hard work. I am taking this journey to be a better wife and mother. I want to lose the weight because I want to feel good about myself and I want to stay beautiful for my husband. I want to be a good looking 46 year old, aging gracefully and attractive. It's great to be beautiful on the inside but I think that I have accomplished that. Call me shallow, I want to be pretty on the outside too! There is nothing wrong with that.
Last thought on the subject: beauty is not defined by the size you are wearing. You can be 200 pounds and feel beautiful. Good for you!!!!! I, just don't want to be 200 pounds period. I just want to wear a pair of jeans and a white tee shirt and look good!
To my friends who are suffering right now, you deserve the best in a relationship. You need to be loved, supported and respected. If you have those 3 main ingredients, you will be fine. With a lot of hard work, you can get back what you have. You just need to want it enough!
Love u all.
Friday, May 20, 2011
BRALLELUIA!
Yep, we are still on the bra subject...
Before sharing my amazing discovery, I would like to talk about the LB store. I currently wear a size 14. One positive note, it is the smallest size there!!!!! But the thing that really puzzled me is how they display their clothes. When you shop there, you must naturally wear a bigger size, right? Here is my question, why do they fold the edges to make the clothes look smaller? I thought that they proudly cater to "big boned women".
Anyway, let's talk about my discovery. They say that 85% of women wear the wrong size bra. On Mother's Day, I went to "Allure, Bra Fit Specialist" located on Main Street in Maple Grove. What an amazing experience. I went in and told the sales lady that I needed help. She was so sweet and made me feel so welcomed. I was petrified when she came into the changing room and felt so ashamed. I closed my eyes when facing the mirror. I left with 2 amazing bras and swore that in 6 months I will be back to get a new bra since I know for a fact that I will need to be fitted again ( for a smaller size this time).
I promise this will be the last time I dwell on the status of my boobs. I work in the Health and Fitness Industry. I can't tell you how many times I see women running on the treadmill, their breasts are flapping in every direction, up and down, left and right. I am in pain just looking at them. Here comes my other tip, the Title Nine store in Edina. I found an armour that holds me so tight, I just cannot wait to run again.
You go into the store and you want to be fit and healthy, from the athletic looking ladies helping you, to the beautiful work out clothes they are selling...
And no, I am not getting paid for the free advertising. Maybe I should?
My friends, thank you for your support. The reason I wanted to blog is to talk openly about things. I am not unhappy or desperate. I am just trying to find answers to so many dilemmas that we, as women, face today. I am trying to follow this motto: EVERYTHING IN MODERATION!
One of the major things that I have accomplished last weekend was to count all the Diet Books that I have accumulated over the last 5 years. The magic number was 19. I acquired the last one a month ago when I googled (are you ready for this one?) Kate Middleton's diet and how to get Pipa's derriere. Yes, I was one of those people who purchased the book the moment it came out.
Enough is Enough. I took all the books and brought them to work. I dropped all 19 of them in front of our club's nutritionist's office with a note: I NEED REAL HELP! CALL ME. I didn't need to sign it. She knew who I was.
It's Friday and I am going home.
Before sharing my amazing discovery, I would like to talk about the LB store. I currently wear a size 14. One positive note, it is the smallest size there!!!!! But the thing that really puzzled me is how they display their clothes. When you shop there, you must naturally wear a bigger size, right? Here is my question, why do they fold the edges to make the clothes look smaller? I thought that they proudly cater to "big boned women".
Anyway, let's talk about my discovery. They say that 85% of women wear the wrong size bra. On Mother's Day, I went to "Allure, Bra Fit Specialist" located on Main Street in Maple Grove. What an amazing experience. I went in and told the sales lady that I needed help. She was so sweet and made me feel so welcomed. I was petrified when she came into the changing room and felt so ashamed. I closed my eyes when facing the mirror. I left with 2 amazing bras and swore that in 6 months I will be back to get a new bra since I know for a fact that I will need to be fitted again ( for a smaller size this time).
I promise this will be the last time I dwell on the status of my boobs. I work in the Health and Fitness Industry. I can't tell you how many times I see women running on the treadmill, their breasts are flapping in every direction, up and down, left and right. I am in pain just looking at them. Here comes my other tip, the Title Nine store in Edina. I found an armour that holds me so tight, I just cannot wait to run again.
You go into the store and you want to be fit and healthy, from the athletic looking ladies helping you, to the beautiful work out clothes they are selling...
And no, I am not getting paid for the free advertising. Maybe I should?
My friends, thank you for your support. The reason I wanted to blog is to talk openly about things. I am not unhappy or desperate. I am just trying to find answers to so many dilemmas that we, as women, face today. I am trying to follow this motto: EVERYTHING IN MODERATION!
One of the major things that I have accomplished last weekend was to count all the Diet Books that I have accumulated over the last 5 years. The magic number was 19. I acquired the last one a month ago when I googled (are you ready for this one?) Kate Middleton's diet and how to get Pipa's derriere. Yes, I was one of those people who purchased the book the moment it came out.
Enough is Enough. I took all the books and brought them to work. I dropped all 19 of them in front of our club's nutritionist's office with a note: I NEED REAL HELP! CALL ME. I didn't need to sign it. She knew who I was.
It's Friday and I am going home.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Revolution about what you ask?
I want to simplify my life, my thoughts, my friendships, my work, my relationship with God, my family and especially my attachment to food.
It's a journey that I will be taking with you. I will be brutally honest, true to myself and sometimes vulnerable.
What prompted me to do this?
- My daughter Angelina. She is 9 years old. She loves to shop, watch movies and bake cupcakes. I work between 60 to 80 hours a week, almost every Saturday... Couple of weeks ago, I promised her an afternoon off and a movie. I was so busy and overwhelmed at work, I paid someone to take her instead. Enough said.
- Few months ago, I decided I needed a bra that fits. I have gained so much weight that my boobs are huge. I hate how they bounce and let's face it, they are in the way. I needed to face reality and get fitted. I went to "Lane Bryant" and I have been trying to avoid going there for years... I am sorry but I promised honesty. Are you ready: Lane Bryant = Fat. When you have to go shopping there, that means you need bigger clothes. I was greeted by a very nice lady. Verdict: 38DDD. She brought this gigantic plain looking bra to try on and as soon as I saw the cup size, I burst into tears and told her that this was a mistake. I can't wear that. I would literally die if my husband saw it laying on the bed!
That's all for now. More later...
It's a journey that I will be taking with you. I will be brutally honest, true to myself and sometimes vulnerable.
What prompted me to do this?
- My daughter Angelina. She is 9 years old. She loves to shop, watch movies and bake cupcakes. I work between 60 to 80 hours a week, almost every Saturday... Couple of weeks ago, I promised her an afternoon off and a movie. I was so busy and overwhelmed at work, I paid someone to take her instead. Enough said.
- Few months ago, I decided I needed a bra that fits. I have gained so much weight that my boobs are huge. I hate how they bounce and let's face it, they are in the way. I needed to face reality and get fitted. I went to "Lane Bryant" and I have been trying to avoid going there for years... I am sorry but I promised honesty. Are you ready: Lane Bryant = Fat. When you have to go shopping there, that means you need bigger clothes. I was greeted by a very nice lady. Verdict: 38DDD. She brought this gigantic plain looking bra to try on and as soon as I saw the cup size, I burst into tears and told her that this was a mistake. I can't wear that. I would literally die if my husband saw it laying on the bed!
That's all for now. More later...
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Big step!
It's Wednesday, May 18th. After 2 days of intense thinking, wondering where I have been the last 8 years or so, I did something I never thought I would do. I decided to start a revolution.
Stay tuned for more information.
Stay tuned for more information.
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